The time I joined the Father’s Day Club

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We cleaned the house daily for at least a month prior to the big day. I was often asked to wipe down the cabinets again and I lovingly did so, every time. I suppose there was also a degree of fear involved as her mood swings during that last month were glorious. We’d be enjoying our Sonic footlong chili cheese dogs (the food of choice for the first baby) when suddenly I’d get in serious trouble for the way I parked. I also got in trouble if I ever took a bite of fried rice while standing up.

So I knew to keep my head down and wipe those cabinets. I also started parking down the block and walking home. And I made damn sure to pile enough fried rice on my plate so I could eat every bite while sitting.

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Your Chuck Norris Action Jeans have been discontinued

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There are moments when men long for days gone by, for simpler times. The action advertisement above, featuring a vibrant and beardless Chuck Norris kicking ass, is one of those moments. In this land of milk and honey, where everyone gets whatever they want, whenever they want, why can’t men like us go out and buy some Action Jeans so we can better perform our activities?

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